end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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