My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
