Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
