i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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