I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
