why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
