Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
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