Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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