I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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