quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
