remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
