at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
