Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
