Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
