It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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