everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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