No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
