I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
