he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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