I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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