You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
