his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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