What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
