shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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