So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
