This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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