Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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