U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
