why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
