i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
