well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
