i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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