Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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