Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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