When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
