a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
