Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
