haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
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We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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