I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
