He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
