I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
