There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
