there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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