I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
