She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize