I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
