I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
