I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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