the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
