moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
