so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
