He is such a slut. More and more my type.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
