yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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