dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
