Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
