it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
