The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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