I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
