You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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