matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
her vagine was all disorganized.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
