real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
