Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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