I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
