I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
