Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
