You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
