Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
