my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
