Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
