Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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