Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
