You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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