after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
