Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I can text with my tongue
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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