isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
