update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
