he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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