No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
