He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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