god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
