You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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