He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
