On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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