can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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