ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
