tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
