He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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