You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
